Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Tha

Star Wars

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke are at a Chinese restausant. Luke is having problems using the chopsticks. Ben says 'Use the Forks, Luke'!

What did the alien say to the gardener?

Take me to your weeder!

Stargate

How many McKays does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 (if it's Rodney), but he'll need at least 3 people to yell at while he's doing it.

Stargate

Nox, nox!

Who's There?

(sigh) Nevermind.......

Stargate

How many Jaffa does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven: five to worship it as a god of light; one to point out that if it WAS a god of light, it's now a dead, false god; and one to go against convention and change the lightbulb himself.

How many Goa'uld does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to order the Jaffa to change it for them and another to execute the Jaffa after the job's done.

How many Tok'ra does it take to change a light bulb?

One: he'll call the Tau'ri to have them change the light bulb, but won't tell them what they're there to do until they get there.

How many Asgard does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to beam it out of the socket, and another to clone the old bulb so the first can beam the new copy into place.

How many Ancients does it take to change a light bulb?

None: no respectable Ancient would interfere in the affairs of mortals.

How many Priors does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but it must be the will of the Ori that it be changed.

How many Ori does it take to change a light bulb?

One, so long as the Tau'ri can figure out a way to build a quantum light bulb that the little glowy bugger can't get out of easily

Star Wars

Did you hear what happened to the spoon?

No,what?

It became one with the forks!

Star Wars

What's the name of the nastiest alligator in the universe?

Darth Gator!

Reasons why Star Wars is better than Titanic:

Titanic may be big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

Star Wars has WAY better action figure potential.

Yoda could use the Force to just lift Titanic out of the water.

Leia is a princess, a senator, a diplomat, a freedom fighter, a brilliant strategist, and Jedi material; Rose is just cute marriage bait.

Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.

When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn't say "WOW! Look at the size of that thing!" with any sincerity.

It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by an evil madman with a lightsaber as opposed to an idiot with a handgun.

a. Titanic is egalitarian in that it portrays poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to the rank of Admiral.

b. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.

We know Cal is the bad guy because he greases his toupee, sneers at the poor, and treats his fiance like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he wears an ominous, voluminous black cape and mysterious mask, strangles people with a glance and blows up entire planets for sport.

Yeah, okay, so Leo can dance...but can he fly an X-wing?

People have never lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.

Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hutt.

Two words: Harrison Ford

There are always more than enough escape pods in Star Wars.

Do you have any idea what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?

If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would either . . .

A: Cut himself free with his lightsaber;

B: Use the Force to get the key; or

C: Han Solo would come in at the last second and blast the cuffs off.

"I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie."

We all knew the boat was gonna sink, but who was ready for "No. . . I am your father"?

Han Solo would've missed that dang iceberg!

Han, though frozen solid in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament, returns in excellent health to mount a successful mission against the Empire on Endor, crushing the enemy and single-handedly paving the way for a brilliant air campaign which results in the destruction of the Empire's second attempt at a Death Star, AND claims the heart of his woman with whom he will live happily ever after. Jack, on the other hand, simply freezes.

Star Trek

Q: How many ears has Spock?

A: Three. Left ear, right ear and the final front ear

Stargate

A Serpant guard, a Horus guard and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose.....drips.

Star Wars

Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars Characters are Better

10. In the Star Wars Universe weapons are rarely, if ever, set on "stun".

9. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of 20 just to go into warp -- The Millannium Falcon does the same thing with R2-D2 and a wookie.

8. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh -- After pithy Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.

7. One word: Lightsaber

6. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire withone glance

5. The Death Star doesn't care if a world is "M" class or not.

4. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters

3. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.

2. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named "Slave I"

1. Picard pilots the Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power --- Han Solo floors it.

Star Wars

Q: What goes ha-ha-ha-thump?

A: A droid laughing its head off.

Star Wars

Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber?

A: Obi Wan Baloney.

Star Wars

On May 4th I always tell people

"May the fourth be with you".

it only works once a year, but you'll have plenty of time to practice to duck.

Star Wars

Duct tape is EXACTLY like the force. it has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

Six ways you know you're lost...

#1 When you're fighting the Enterprise for a parking space

#2 When you look out your window and see a black hole

#3 If you roll down your window to ask for directions and you get beamed up

#4 The folks in the 'ship next to you are pale greenish,have stringy white hair,and are licking their lips at the sight of you

#5 The bumper sticker in front of you says BEEN 2 ROSWELL

#6 The sign ahead says, 'Thanks For Visiting The Milky Way. Come Again .'

Stargate

How many physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. McKay to complain about having to change the lightbulb, Zelenka to say his family didn't have electricity and Sam to threaten McKay with a lemon and actually change the lightbulb!

Stargate

How many SG teams does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six. One to change the lightbulb and five to rescue the first team!

Stargate

How to get an alien device to work:

Thor: Beam it up, study it, decide it's hazardous and get help from the humans.

Vala: Kick it.

O'Neill: Get Carter.

Jackson: Read the label.

McKay: Complain about it till someone threatens him and then get it working in three minutes.

Star Trek

The Top Ten April Fool's Jokes on the Enterprise

10) Everybody act like Riker is the captain

9) Pretend you've been taken over by an alien being

8) Program the replicator in Troi's room so that it won't make chocolate

7) Replay file tape of Borg ship on main viewer

6) Tell Data that Starfleet has decided to dismantle him

5) Put a small speaker in Dr. Crusher's bedroom to play garbled voices

4) Lock Picard in the children's schoolroom with several children and no adults

3) Substitute some of Dr. Crusher's moss with moss showing 24 hours more growth

2) Put a sign on Worf's back that says "Kick Me!"

1) Yell into your communicator "Captain, the antimatter containment fields are collapsing"

Star Trek

Bumper Stickers Seen On The U.S.S Enterprise

."Our other starship separates into 3 pieces!"

"One photon torpedo can ruin your whole day...think about it"

"HONK if you've slept with Capt. Kirk!"

"Guns don't kill people... Phasers do!"

"Zero to Warp 9.7 in 13 seconds!"

"CAUTION...We have a trigger happy Klingon at tactical."

"If you can read this...don't you think you're a wee bit too close?"

"Have you hugged a Tribble today?"

Dr. McCoy: "Do you serve crabs here?"

Mess officer: "We serve anybody. Sit down."

Mr. Spock: "What is the formula for PI?"

Chekov: "Er...apple or blueberry, sir?"

What do you call two Science Officers having an argument?

Science Friction

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

Ok so maybe i'm a geek, but I really liked those. Some were funny, some were cute, but they were all cool.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

"shakes and hangs down head"

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

Yes! Hehe,funny. Ha-ha-thump! I especially like the "there are always more than enough escape pods in Star Wars",the duct tape line (duct tape is exactly like the force....),the Tribble bumper sticker,and all the Stargate jokes (there's barely any of them that I've ever run into). Science Friction? Thanks!

P.S. Do you have anymore,especially Stargate?

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

I thougt most were cute, some were funny. Depends on you sense of humor.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

I'd say about half of them were well worth my time, a quarter of them would have been worth my time if my friends hadn't already beaten them to death, and a quarter of them just aren't quite funny.

How many Ancients does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; Even controlling the weather is easy for them. Who needs a light bulb when one can move the sun?

The priors have decided that evil must not be allowed to fester in the light bulb, thus it must be replaced.

I totally agree with the Asgard and Tok'ra light bulb jokes.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

"Use the forks" -- Excellent. Stupid, but nice and simple.

"Take me to your weeder" -- A bit too simple, I'm afraid.

The Stargate lightbulb jokes are quite insightful and entertaining.

"One with the forks" -- better than the "weeder" one.

"Darth Gator" -- Uh, no.

I LOVE the Star Wars vs. Titanic ones.

"Final front ear" -- Ha.

Gotta love the "Setesh guard" one. It's a classic!

Star Wars vs. Star Trek characters -- Wonderful! Hilarious!

"A droid laughing its head off" -- a groaner, but it grows on you because it's so visual.

"Obi-Wan Baloney" -- that's just a goaner.

"May the Fourth be with you" -- Wasn't that a movie poster with Yoda or something? Anyway, you do need to be able to duck with that one.

"Duct tape" -- right on! Except, it should be said to "bind the galaxy together" 'cause that's how Obi-Wan described the Force. I'm a nerd.

"Ways to know you're lost" -- they just lack the necessary punch.

Again, I love the Stargate lightbulb jokes!

"How to get an alien device to work" -- PERFECT!

"April Fool's on the Enterprise" -- Wonderful, but I think they're a bit out of order :)

Of the bumper stickers, I like the "3 pieces", "Kirk", "Klingon", and "Tribble" ones.

McCoy, crabs, get it? HA!

"Pi" -- Checkov should ask something like, "Russian vegetable pie, sir?"

"Science friction" -- groaner.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

"Use the forks" - 4 out of 5

"Take me to your weeder" - 3 out of 5

"How many McKays" - 2.5 out of 5

"Nox, nox" - I didn't get this one!

Jaffa / light bulb - 2 out of 5

Go'uld / light bulb - 2.5 out of 5

Tokrai / light bulb - 2 out of 5

Asgard / light bulb - 2 out of 5

ancient / light bulb - 2 out of 5

priors / light bulb - 2 out of 5

3 Jaffa meet - 2 out of 5

Star Wars vs Star Trek - 3 out of 5

"ha ha ha thump" - 2.5 out of 5

"Obi Wan Balogna" - 2 out of 5

"May the 4th be with you" - 3.5 out of 5 (borderline)

duct tape - 2.5 out of 5

"you know you're lost" - 2 out of 5

physicists / light bulb - 2 out of 5

SG teams / light bulb - 2 out of 5

"how to make something work" - 2.5 out of 5

STNG April Fools - 3.5 out of 5

ST bumper stickers - 2.5 out of 5

"do you serve crabs" - 2.5 out of 5

"science friction" - 2.5 out of 5

Ori / light bulb - 1 out of 5

"the spoon" - 2.5 out of 5

"Darth Gator" - 2.5 out of 5

Star Wars better than Titanic - 2 out of 5

Spock's ears - 3 out of 5

My advice: the 3.5 are "borderline" - use at your own risk. 3s should only be used with die-hard scifi fans. Don't use the rest.....

Jim, http://www.life-after-harry-potter.com

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

the first few are funny did not read the rest. sorry just to much

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

Very funny!

But the joke about the three jafaar was told by Ti'alk, and nobody laughed then.

Dont know abot comparing STAR WARS to TITANIC. titanic really happened and it makes me sad to think of all those people dying.

But over all, yhe jokes were funny.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

I really enjoyed the light bulb jokes, but found most of the others a bit difficult to follow.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

I love them! Ha ha ha thump indeed! LOL!!!

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

I thought they were funny!!! Both Stargate and Star Wars rock!

"A Serpant guard, a Horus guard and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The Serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose.....drips." ---- You gotta love that Jaffa humour, cracks me up every time!!! I love the way Teal'c says it in the show!!!

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

I don't watch Stargate and I haven't watched a lot of Star Trek, but I thought the Star Wars ones were pretty good. Especially the one comparing Star Wars to Titanic. (Although that's a good movie too. :))

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

No. I do not think that they are funny.

Do you think that any of these science fiction [Stargate, Star Wars. Star Trek] jokes are funny? Thanks!?

maybe..if i even watched or liked those shows it'd be funny. but its not really..