Problems with mother to be...?

My wife is 3 1/2 months pregnant and right before she got pregnant she brought home a kitten. Now this cat has proven to be no more than just a pain in my @$$ but thats besides the point. None the less I've read up on pregnancy and being new parents A LOT because I want to make sure everything is perfect for my child when he/she is born. One of the things that I've seen a lot is issues with cats, they can suffocate the baby, they're filthy, they carry germs, they get hair all over the place, etc. I've told my wife that we should get rid of the cat before or when the baby is born but she will not have it. The cat gets up on the counters and gets them filthy, after one day they're BLACK from the cat walking all over them. I really feel like she could care less about my baby, she still sneaks cigarettes, she wont take the prenatal pills I bought her, and now she wont get rid of the cat. Am I over reacting or am I right? I just feel so helpless like theres nothing I can do.

Problems with mother to be...?

well the the cat is FINE alittle untrained but it wont smoother the baby that's a myth. they do shed alot tho i have 2 cats I'm pregnant and i have a 2yr old. I've been around them all my life and I've never had 1 problem. i train them too. LOL

no taking the vitamins is alittle bad b/c nowadays those vitamins are extra vitamins for the baby b/c foods don't have enough of the vitamins us pregnant women need.

is she seeing a Doctor for prenatal care?

As for the cigarettes YOU need to step up and get her to quit ASAP smoking can cause ASTHMA (meaning no football if its a boy), lung problems, miscarriage, low birth weight,ear infections and more severe colds and flus, and a lower immune system. also can cause deformities in appearance.

As for her in general i think it'll get worse b/c she's likely to get baby blues after the baby's born. If things don't get better u can ask a court for sole custody. I wish u luck.

and about the house trust me I'm in ur shoes my hubby used to do it to me till i STOPPED CLEANING LOL hes like man did i do all this yep and guess what i ain't cleaning it lol.

hope it all works out and i hope ur baby is healthy.

congrads and only 2/3 problems u mentioned are bad.

edit- a person mentioned toxoplasmosis if you have been around outdoor cats have been scratched bitten or changed a litter box then u already have it and it cannot be passed to the baby. (i used to work in a cat shelter and a vet office.)

Tell her doctor she is SMOKING they can and will scare her by talking custody with her. If she WANTS to be a mother then she needs to be more mature sorry to say this looks like your gonna be a single daddy with full custody soon. i just hope the baby is healthy.

if your cats NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE and shes been around cats before indoor and outdoor she can clean the litter box.

i've done it all my life ive had toxoplasmosis since i was 2yrs old once u get it u build immunity and it CANNOT be passed.

it only comes from dead rodents and wet catfood that outdoor cats eat. if its been indoors its SAFE. ask your doctor they will even tell you. they only warn ppl that dunno if they have been exposed to it.

Problems with mother to be...?

I wouldn't worry too much about the cat. I don't believe she should be sneaking cigarettes but then again I have never smoked so I don't know how hard it is to stop but I do know that it's dead easy to pop a couple of prenatal pils everyday.

Have a talk to her about how you feel, that you don't feel that she is making every effort to ensure you have a healthy child.

Cats are fine... your wife shouldn't be changing the litter tray while she is pregnant. But once the baby is born, just make sure you don't leave the baby alone with the cat. Also start training it now not to jump on the bench. My cats have known since we got that the bench is off limits. If they do jump up then they get squirted with a water bottle

Problems with mother to be...?

try to sit and talk to your wife.... tell her exactly what your thinking about everything that she does....when the cat does something wrong (like gets on the counter) spray it with a water bottle and then it will learn not to get up there anymroe because then it will get wet... thats what i do with my cat....but i doubt that the cat could hurt your baby....they normaly don't do that unless u do something that would make them.... i have NEVER heard of a cat doing that though. she most likely does care about ur baby....but maybe its just hard for her to quit smoking....smoking isn't the worst thing that she can do to a baby though. my mom has 6 kids and smoked when she was pregnant with all of them and we are all fine and she had no problems..... just talk to your wife and try to suport the decisions she makes....good luck!! and talk to her!! and congrats!

Problems with mother to be...?

Your wife is being unfair to how you feel

Problems with mother to be...?

I think you have to be sensitive to your pregnant wife's attachment to the cat. Also there are things you can do to try to "train" the cat before the baby comes. I like the water spray bottle method to keep them off the counters... you have to be consistent and catch them a lot though. As far as the baby vs. the cat. If you are truly concerned you can put a netting over the top of the baby's crib to keep the cat out while baby is sleeping. We have a cat and know plenty of people who have cats and babies and no one I know has ever had issues. Sometimes there is a transistion period when they are toddlers where the cat and toddler have to stake out their terrotiories a bit...

Bottom line is if you don't like cats and your wife does... don't blame it on the baby. Have a mature conversation about why you don't like cats and try to come to a compromise. The only thing I warn you is that it may have to wait until roughly 6 months post partum when your wife's hormones start to stabilize...

Problems with mother to be...?

you can do plenty.. threaten her. tell her youll need to get a social worker if she doesnt calm down and prepare to be a mom. as for getting rid of the cat, just compromise. Have it be an outdoor kitty instead of in.

cigarettes.. hide them.

pills.. crush em up in her food.

it would be better if she was willing, but if not, then you need to do what you need to do.

Ask her if she wants the baby to be retarded, or have downs or some physical problem.. she wont even have time for herself let alone a cat if the baby has those.

in other words.. SCARE SOME SENSE INTO HER.

Problems with mother to be...?

yikes....as a pregnant mom of a toddler, i think it's great you're so concerned. it's a toughie, though. one thing that i think works is "seeing is believing". get her books, videos, anything that have to do with babies not being born healthy. prenatals are such an EASY way to help your child get a good jumpstart on life. as far as the cat goes....well, just wait. nesting will kick in soon and she'll probably be a bigger neat freak thatn you! and just keep the cat out of the kitchen untill then ( get a coule baby gates and double them up, you'll need them soon anyway) as far as the cat suffocating the baby....i think it's ostly an urban leganed, but again, keep it away from the baby and you won't have that problem. good luck.....

Problems with mother to be...?

If You (not your spouse) do the litter change, there are no issues. Sorry.

As for the cat on the counters, I agree that is foul. You can teach your cat not to do that with a squirt gun. Listen to "calling all pets" in public radio, or go on the web.

You don't need to get rid of the cat, just train it. My son and cat loved each other (the cat died of old age). He loves the new cat. He's learned a lot from having a pet.

If you are not able to train the cat to stay off the counters, then you are the wrong family for a pet.

Suffocation: they sell tents for that. They really work. This isn't an issue if you buy a crib tent. Try craig's list. It isn't an issue for very long.

However, why is your cat tracking black? Cat litter dust is ususally white?

By the way, the name of the disease you are worried about is toxoplasmosis. Ask your doctor. It is serious, but rare.

Problems with mother to be...?

You have much more to worry about other than the whole cat thing. I can't believe she still smokes! You are right, even cat poop is very unhealthy because it carries cysts that can be inhaled and can actually kill the child. So, I would make sure she doesn't clean out the cat box. I suggest giving her articles and such to remind her of what can happen if she continues to smoke and not take care of herself. And, no, you are not over-reacting. This is your child too.

Problems with mother to be...?

If she's not cleaning, is smoking and not taking necessary prenatal pills, this woman is either rebelling or isn't up for motherhood.

Problems with mother to be...?

Yes you are right about the cat. You must get rid of the cat. Not only can it suffocate the baby and everything else that you mentioned but it can cause your wife to get toxoplasmosis. All I know is it is a condition that you can get from cleaning a cat's litter box. It is something to do with the bacteria in the cat's feces and it being in the air. Also Your wife really needs to take care of herself in order to have a healthy baby. Smoking can harm the baby as he or she will be addicted to nicotine when he or she is born. Prenatal vitamins are recommended to help keep the mother strong and the baby healthy while in the womb. Let her know that having a cat in the house while pregnant and when the baby is here can be very dangerous. If you ask a doctor they will tell you that you can not and should not have cats. Good luck and congratulations on the baby!!!

Problems with mother to be...?

Apparently she's really attached to the cat. However, she still needs to respect your feelings too. You could explain to her that having a cat and a small child is not good. I got a kitten when my daughter was 2 years old and I learned the hard way. My daughter was being a little rough with him and he scratched her pretty deep on the face. He just barely missed her eye by like, one inch. She still has the scar. I got rid of him. Anyhow, you could tell her that when the baby gets old enough to crawl and toddle around that the cat needs to start staying outside (but only if you live in an area away from roads). If you can't convince her to get rid of that cat, tell her that you are at least going to set some rules and boundaries for the cat. As far as the kitty getting on the counter, I'm not sure what it could be getting into to make the counter turn black but sounds like it needs a bath. Tell her she has to keep it clean. Also tell her that she needs to train the cat to not get onto the counter. She can get a spray bottle and fill it with water and if the cat gets on the counter, either of you should immediately grab the spray bottled and begins praying the cat and saying "No! Get down!" in a stern voice. Cats can be stubborn but hopefully he'll eventually get the message. There are also numerous articles on the internet about how to train your cat not to do certain things. By the way, (if she is) she should not be cleaning the litter box. There is something in the cat feces that can give a pregnant woman a disease and cause complications for her or the baby. Now as far as her sneaking cigarettes and not taking her prenatal pills. That is something to be concerned about. Does she not realize that she could be harming her baby? You need to express your concern to her. Tell her that by not taking her prenatal vitamins she is robbing the baby of all the beneficial vitamins and nutrients the baby needs in order to be healthy. If she won't listen to you, perhaps you could mention it to a female family member or friend of hers. That way, maybe they could talk to her and try and get thru to her. I hope that the situation improves for you. Good luck.

Problems with mother to be...?

Did you know she was like this before you married her? If so find a way to deal with it. Leaving and divorcing her won't help anything, you would still have to accept her as your baby's mom. As for the cat I never believe in getting animals just to give them up because you have a child, animals are important to a lot of people. She can't however be in charge of cleaning the litter box and you will have to monitor the cat around the baby. Don't allow the cat into the baby's room and don't leave the bottles out for the cat to get to. They can be very nasty but they are living things as well and trust me your baby will be just as messy he/she just won't be able to get up on the counters like that. There are a lot of things to worry about when it comes to being a parent. Just try to be there for your wife right now and be loving and supportive. Just because she wants to keep her cat doesn't make her a bad mom, she is just an animal lover as well and if she is wanting to keep a cat that is a pain to deal with then that might show you she is willing to handle some difficulties in life and isn't always looking for the easy way out. As for the smoking, do you smoke? For those that smoke it can be extremly hard to go cold turkey during pregnancy which can be very stressful for a lot of woman especially if they feel like they are being supported emotionally or if there is to much stress in their lives. How much is she smoking (yes i know even 1 is bad)? Is it when she is more stressed? Maybe you two can find a way to help her with the stress and find a different way to handle it. You have to remember that even cancer patients feel the need to sneak a cigarette even if it may kill them, cigarettes are very very addictive.

Problems with mother to be...?

Ok.....I personally would get rid of the cat....I had a cat when my son came home. Did all what you were supposed to do, have them smell the infant carrier etc. Basically it is a pain in the *** when you have been up all night with feedings to then make sure the cat is not near the baby when you are exhausted. I was afraid to go to the bathroom without taking the baby with me cause the cat HATED the baby. Then as he got older had to keep food, litter all that crap away from him. Just a royal pain.

As for the pre-natal pills, dont get to upset about them. I personally would not take them again unless I know exactly what is in them what levels are needed and how much extra there are. I have 4 children and took it will all, but one of my children has autism and I was careful with everything injested he never got vaccinations that say cause it. Also so much abnormal hormone growth goes on from it. My friend took flinstone vitamins because the prenatals made her sick and after my son, wanted to make sure had a healthy baby and all her kids are great happy healthy above the chart in height and weight. I ate no processed foods and lots of iron rich, protien, vitamin c foods. Total cereal is great for the extra.

As for the smoking, if it would cause more stress to her and the baby then she should cut back first then ease into it. The patch works well for people who are preg and need help. Did research on it, but you really dont want too much stress if she will react poorly to cold turkey.

The house will not be cleaner when the baby comes. If she doesnt care or have time now then she wont have enough energy to keep a clean house for the first few months.

Was this planned? Because if it was planned why did you try to get pregnant knowing she smoked. Really should have your body in good shape prior to pregancy. If it wasnt then I understand. Looks like you might have just jumped the gun on this one.

Problems with mother to be...?

She sounds like my EX sister in law and boy I feel ya!!!! You are not over reacting, smoking is dangerous for the baby, if your wife does happen to lift a finger and change the cat litter, that is dangerous for the baby, she needs to be taking the vitamins as the are essential for your baby's development. Regarding the cleaning, if she doesn't do it now and she only has herself to care for do you really think when an innocent baby is added she will do it? If you are serious about divorce, I would wait until the baby is born(just so you could attempt to monitor how well she is caring for herself while pregnant and hopefully give your son/daughter the best start at life) and then file for divorce after the birth and go for sole custody. You will have plenty of time to build your case while she is pregnant and shortly there after your child is born. One parent is better than two when one of the parent's is a worthless waste of air. I am not saying that your wife is I just want you to understand that if things really are that bad by staying married I think that you would do more harm than good. Good luck!!!

Problems with mother to be...?

As for the cat, I wouldn't worry about it, i had two cats with my babies, and they were no problem, the tales of cats that "suffocate the baby, they're filthy, they carry germs, they get hair all over the place" aren't true. Cats are less dangerous than dogs around babies. With it getting on the counter, the best thing to do now while its a kitten is get a spray bottle you can set to stream and spray it with water everytime it gets on the counter, and always keep the bottles put away in the cupboard or drawer.

If she has just started the not cleaning, its because some women feel they shouldn't have to anything when they are pregnant, but if she has always been that way, I am sorry to say that it won't change. Try telling her she needs to keep the house cleaned up so that it is safe for the baby.

If all else fails, and you do decide to get divorced, try and get custody of the baby. Take pictures of how she keeps the house, and have people that have seen it testify on your behalf. Just say you are afraid of the unsanitary conditions of the mothers home having a detrimental effect on the health of your son/daughter.

Congratulations on your bundle of joy, and I hope things get better for you

oh PS you need to take care of the litter box while she is pregnant, because of the risk of toxoplasmosis, which is real, but can only be contracted by handling cat feces.

Problems with mother to be...?

I am a smoker and my OB tells me to limit it to 5 cigarettes a day. Quitting is hard, and stress on the mother means stress on the baby.

I am not an idiot, and I know that smoking isn't good for mother or baby, but I have had 2 beautiful, healthy children adhering to the 5 a day rule.

Sometimes it can take women a while to get used to the idea of being pregnant. The baby doesn't seem real until it's actually born. This DOES NOT mean your wife doesn't love her baby.

Cats taking baby's breath is an old wive's tale. Pure nonsense. The only risk the cats pose is exposure to toxoplasmosis, which, by the way, can come from other places as well.

Now, about the prenatal vitimans. Know that your baby will get what it needs from your wife's body no matter what. The vitamins are more for the mother. In the very earliest stages of pregnancy folic acid is essential, but that part is over now. If you've had an ultrasound, they can see the problem caused by lack of folic acid on there. You should know by now.

I, personally, would "accidentally" lose the cat, but then again...I hate cats.