What do you think of my poem?

I know the numbness is there

From where it came, I have no care

I know the numbness is there

I want to be happy, it's not fair

Like a black plague

Engulfing my soul

I let myself lose control

I know the numbness is there

I feel it every time he runs his hand through my hair

I know the numbness is there

Two naked bodies bare

Like a whisper of two secret lovers

Hiding lies beneath the covers

I KNOW the numbness is there

What do you think of my poem?

Wow!

I expected to say something bad, but I actually liked that!

Sounds like it should be a song

Keep up the good work!

What do you think of my poem?

I think the repeated line takes away from the rest of the poem. Maybe just first and last lines would be better. Of course you'd have to rework the rest a little to save your rhyme scheme.

What do you think of my poem?

Sounds like a Linkin Park song. Poetry is so emo!

What do you think of my poem?

Too many 'I' and repeated lines, but the rest is okay.

What do you think of my poem?

sounds like it should be spoken word , eminem-style .

What do you think of my poem?

its not bad but i think the topic is just a little too common. i personally loved the form though ,the repeated lines give it an intensity and darkness. i would just try a different topic or really find a new way to approach it. like maybe don't make it so cut and clear, it is quickly understood what its about , i think there is value in a poem where someone needs to read it a few times and think about it and gain an understanding of its meaning and purpose.